I awoke this Friday morning feeling happy, content and blissful. Not due to something rising up, not due to sleeping in but for the sheer joy of knowing that it would be the last morning for a week I would be waking up with my hair smelling slightly of cottonseed oil. After I made Big Lug his lunch I noticed the coffee carafe was empty and the coffee maker was not set up for a fresh pot. I was even more surprised to discover he’d be swinging by Tim Horton’s for his dose of Fluid Of Life. Once he explained that he’d be buying coffee and a co-worker would be buying bagels, it made sense. Big Lug isn’t partial to their coffee but he does enjoy many of their baked items.
Thankfully when I met Big Lug I had already been trained to leave a man alone until he had his morning cuppa. Two different men, ten years apart, one a child of the 60’s, one a child of the 70’s, both regarding coffee not as a nice, pleasant morning beverage but as fluid of life. To be fair, it’s not just a guy thing. I know women who have declared if they could inject coffee, they would. For me, however, bliss is a cup of Anise Tea, slowly sipped in a pretty cup.
Part of that stems from the fact I don’t do those travel mugs too well. I treat Big Lug’s travel cup with care. It’s at that well broken in stage when the lid still fits snugly without too much pressure. Occasionally someone thoughtfully gifts him with a new mug and there is the brief time span when Big Lug obligatorily uses it for a few weeks. It means I have to force the lid on, hoping the cup doesn’t slip and spill on the kitchen counter. It was with a sense of relief to discover this morning I am not alone when it comes to morning denseness and travel mugs. On my social network website one of my American stock car friends had left this deep thought:
Tip of the day. If you leave the lid loose on your coffee cup, it will spill on you. If you clean up, then come back to take another sip without securing the lid, it will spill on you a second time. You can thank me later for this one.
I couldn’t help but laugh because both Big Lug and I have had that experience. A few minutes later, however, the other shoe dropped:
Finally, if the lid is deformed due to being in the dishwasher too many times, it does not matter how well you secure it... it may spill on you a third time.
There is a guy who deserves to have a good Monday morning, if only because that sort of thing is not supposed to happen on a Friday morning.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Drive Thru Delights & Dangs
I work part-time for a fast food restaurant. On alternate Saturdays I work 5-11 p.m. Since I don't do Halloween, it wasn't a problem working the night of October 31st. I did find it amusing that there were many people saying “I’m bringing the kids home some fast food because we don’t Halloween” or hear a little voice saying “I’m glad we don’t do Halloween because it means we get to come here! Thank you!” There were also people who were definitely doing the night.
There were some retro costumes that came through the restaurant. The first retro one was a young girl who borrowed her mother's 90's prom dress so she could go as a prom queen. Daddy dearest had the look of a man who had just accumulated a whole bunch of parenting points and was trying to figure out how to spend them. The next retro one was even further back. It doesn't take much talent to be Hugh Hefner, especially when your passenger is wearing a skimpy costume and bunny ears. In between drive-thru orders I usually see what I can do at the front counter. Three girls came in looking like something right out of Olivia Newton John's "Physical" video, complete with bright coloured, striped legwarmers.
Under the category of "Awwwwwww so cute" was someone who had dressed their little one up as a ladybug. Also cute was a baby pumpkin and going the other extreme was a cowgirl. Once I found out she was of legal drinking age, I casually suggested the male manager be the one to hand out her order. He didn't mind. Also cute in the category of "Visual Pun" was the guy who was dressed as a shark with cards on it (my thought process was "Shark with cards? Shark cards. Card shark. GRRRRROAN!). I gave the Card shark and his female passenger who was wearing a tank top and a belt with a bunch of cards stapled on the bottom to create a skirt some cookies.
A co-worker decided since the streets were fairly quiet; why not go into to work to see what the reaction to his werewolf mask would be. I didn't let him down. Dang kids have no respect for their elders these days. At least that was my thought until later on, when I looked at the time, thought "It's almost nine p.m. I guess after nine I should start to anticipate the drive thru pranksters and be careful opening the window" and opened the drive-thru window to make a guy's night. He had carefully put a very graphic witch's head on a stick and timed it to pop up just after I said "Hi!" My shriek caused a grin of delight. Even better, however, was when I shrilled "Maria you LIED TO ME!!!!!!!!! Maria get to drive-thru RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!! You gotta see this!" The manager had reassured me in all her years of working at that restaurant chain, she had never experienced nor heard of any drive-thru pranksters. The only thing that saved me from going completely hysterical is as a joke, he had pinned an Edmonton Oilers logo onto the witch's shoulder.
As a combination of dang and delight, a costumed concept arrived about ten minutes before closing. Between the four guys there were three drinks, six sandwiches, some chicken morsels, three large fries and a spun ice cream concoction to make it worth staying open until the last second. As much as it was interesting to be working Halloween night, I'm glad next year it falls on a day off.
There were some retro costumes that came through the restaurant. The first retro one was a young girl who borrowed her mother's 90's prom dress so she could go as a prom queen. Daddy dearest had the look of a man who had just accumulated a whole bunch of parenting points and was trying to figure out how to spend them. The next retro one was even further back. It doesn't take much talent to be Hugh Hefner, especially when your passenger is wearing a skimpy costume and bunny ears. In between drive-thru orders I usually see what I can do at the front counter. Three girls came in looking like something right out of Olivia Newton John's "Physical" video, complete with bright coloured, striped legwarmers.
Under the category of "Awwwwwww so cute" was someone who had dressed their little one up as a ladybug. Also cute was a baby pumpkin and going the other extreme was a cowgirl. Once I found out she was of legal drinking age, I casually suggested the male manager be the one to hand out her order. He didn't mind. Also cute in the category of "Visual Pun" was the guy who was dressed as a shark with cards on it (my thought process was "Shark with cards? Shark cards. Card shark. GRRRRROAN!). I gave the Card shark and his female passenger who was wearing a tank top and a belt with a bunch of cards stapled on the bottom to create a skirt some cookies.
A co-worker decided since the streets were fairly quiet; why not go into to work to see what the reaction to his werewolf mask would be. I didn't let him down. Dang kids have no respect for their elders these days. At least that was my thought until later on, when I looked at the time, thought "It's almost nine p.m. I guess after nine I should start to anticipate the drive thru pranksters and be careful opening the window" and opened the drive-thru window to make a guy's night. He had carefully put a very graphic witch's head on a stick and timed it to pop up just after I said "Hi!" My shriek caused a grin of delight. Even better, however, was when I shrilled "Maria you LIED TO ME!!!!!!!!! Maria get to drive-thru RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!! You gotta see this!" The manager had reassured me in all her years of working at that restaurant chain, she had never experienced nor heard of any drive-thru pranksters. The only thing that saved me from going completely hysterical is as a joke, he had pinned an Edmonton Oilers logo onto the witch's shoulder.
As a combination of dang and delight, a costumed concept arrived about ten minutes before closing. Between the four guys there were three drinks, six sandwiches, some chicken morsels, three large fries and a spun ice cream concoction to make it worth staying open until the last second. As much as it was interesting to be working Halloween night, I'm glad next year it falls on a day off.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
The Rhyme Off
Ever notice in a mixed group, there are always a few guys who can’t resist being smart alecs? It began simple enough, with a guy sharing a cute story about some kids doing the actions to a nursery rhyme. The women thought it was sweet. One man, however, couldn’t resist the urge to provide his own creative rhymes.
Kerry:
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To have a little fun
Silly Jill
Forgot the pill
and now they have a son
Jack and Jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water
Jack got horny, Jill got corny
and now they have a daughter
Since Kerry got a few polite laughs, he decided to continue on.
Kerry:
Simple Simon met a Pieman
Going to the fair
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pieman unto Simon
"Pies, you airhead!"
As the silence became rather thick, however, Big Al being a true gentleman decided to come in and save the day. He cleared his throat and came up with one about Mary the garden grower.
Big Al:
Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockle shells,
And one humongous onion.
As the women giggled and one turned to the man beside her to discuss gardening, Big Al cleared his throat and came up with another one. As he said it, a few people started to get a shocked look on their face because they thought they knew how it was going to end. One man even began to lift up his hand in a “Whoa man, you sure you want to go down that road?” gesture.
Mary had a little watch
she swallowed it one day
and so she took some Epsom salts
to pass the time away.
But though she tried, and tried, and tried
she couldn't make time pass.
So if you want to know the time
just look up Mary's......
uncle in the Yellow Pages. He sells watches.
Two women laughed so hard they choked, one woman had to go to the bathroom and best of all, and one guy wound up snorting his pop through his nose.
It’s great to be back!
Kerry:
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To have a little fun
Silly Jill
Forgot the pill
and now they have a son
Jack and Jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water
Jack got horny, Jill got corny
and now they have a daughter
Since Kerry got a few polite laughs, he decided to continue on.
Kerry:
Simple Simon met a Pieman
Going to the fair
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pieman unto Simon
"Pies, you airhead!"
As the silence became rather thick, however, Big Al being a true gentleman decided to come in and save the day. He cleared his throat and came up with one about Mary the garden grower.
Big Al:
Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockle shells,
And one humongous onion.
As the women giggled and one turned to the man beside her to discuss gardening, Big Al cleared his throat and came up with another one. As he said it, a few people started to get a shocked look on their face because they thought they knew how it was going to end. One man even began to lift up his hand in a “Whoa man, you sure you want to go down that road?” gesture.
Mary had a little watch
she swallowed it one day
and so she took some Epsom salts
to pass the time away.
But though she tried, and tried, and tried
she couldn't make time pass.
So if you want to know the time
just look up Mary's......
uncle in the Yellow Pages. He sells watches.
Two women laughed so hard they choked, one woman had to go to the bathroom and best of all, and one guy wound up snorting his pop through his nose.
It’s great to be back!
Sunday, March 8, 2009
A New Angel
I can't remember how the friendship happened. We both posted on the same stock car board, we both had pasts that we were in the process of rising above, we had children the same age, although I had one to his three. We'd exchange anecdotes about our lives, sometimes chuckle over how despite different countries, one to three, our kids still had many things in common and how our spouses were great for putting up with the fallen angels God had guided them to marry.
The last year, though, brought about many changes. He didn't have as much time to hangout on the message board. His beloved wife was sick and he was doing his best to fill in the void, not wanting to have the older daughter feel like she was just a babysitter. There were family and church members who were helping them out in the time of need. There were prayer requests for the family, venting about yet another trip to the hospital, the joy of having his wife home, sharing about the children coping with Mama being sick. Sometimes there was enough calmness, he could even relax and enjoy a stock car race.
Not long ago there was a post made about how one year ago his wife was in the hospital and here it was a year later, no answers. Those of us who prayed reassured him we were still praying, still hoping. Tonight there was a new post. The answer was received. One little girl, two little boys and one adult daughter will be hugged by an angel from this night onward.
Proverbs 31:10 An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.
Proversb 31:28a Her children rise up and call her blessed.
The last year, though, brought about many changes. He didn't have as much time to hangout on the message board. His beloved wife was sick and he was doing his best to fill in the void, not wanting to have the older daughter feel like she was just a babysitter. There were family and church members who were helping them out in the time of need. There were prayer requests for the family, venting about yet another trip to the hospital, the joy of having his wife home, sharing about the children coping with Mama being sick. Sometimes there was enough calmness, he could even relax and enjoy a stock car race.
Not long ago there was a post made about how one year ago his wife was in the hospital and here it was a year later, no answers. Those of us who prayed reassured him we were still praying, still hoping. Tonight there was a new post. The answer was received. One little girl, two little boys and one adult daughter will be hugged by an angel from this night onward.
Proverbs 31:10 An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.
Proversb 31:28a Her children rise up and call her blessed.
Monday, February 16, 2009
13 is Just A Number
As I said in my Wedding Renewal blog, Friday the 13th in Vegas did not start out sunny. I wore something casual to wear at the restaurant for breakfast. Big Lug grumbled a little bit about me not ordering toast and suggested tomorrow morning I just share it with him. When you read a menu online, you can never be certain if the reality lives up to the expectations. http://www.theplatinumhotel.com/dining-and-lounge/documents/Kilawat_Brunch_Menu.pdf Eggs your way might read humble but what arrived definitely wasn't. The Kilawat Restaurant at the Platinum Hotel is the sort of place where you can feel comfortable wearing jeans and a t-shirt but the presentation of the meal makes you think of a place that caters to the pants and shirt crowd.
Since we were going out that evening, we returned to the Kilawat for a light lunch after going to A Special Memory Chapel. I hesitated briefly when I found out the soup du jour was tomato basil. Since that evening we were going to The Top Of The World at the Stratosphere which was definitely a "business casual" restaurant, we had decided to wear our wedding outfits. After strategically positioning the cloth napkin, I thoroughly indulged in the soup. The chunks of tomato and the burst of fresh basil made it worth taking a chance.
Under the category of what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, I won't talk too much about how the afternoon went. Suffice it to say, though, Big Lug and I did have a long nap. With the evening plans involving a fancy dinner and a Jay Leno show, we knew we had to be well rested. The last thing you want to do is fall asleep at a comedy show. Both of us did change our mind about what we were going to wear to the Stratosphere, although for Big Lug it was a case of simply going tieless. As for me, I went with black pants, an almost sheer deep blue shirt. The cab ride to the Stratosphere has been immortalized on video and posted at YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mntcC_fASEU
I vowed while in America, I would boycott American beef. As I read Top of the World's menu, I changed my mind. http://www.topoftheworldlv.com/strat_din_tow_di_en.asp . The food is worth dressing up for and spending the day eating light. Bring some extra money because thanks to the digital camera, there is a whole new business in Las Vegas. I call it the "Photo Memento Industry". By the time we finished eating, checked out the observation deck at the Stratosphere, further helped the economy by picking up some souvenirs for Kidlet, it was time to go to the Mirage to see Jay Leno.
All I have to say about Jay Leno is although he's no George Carlin, his comedy show is definitely different than the comedy you'll hear on The Tonight Show. When you are going to a comedy show, remember anyone in the first three rows is fair game for the comedian. If you don't want to be part of his routine, sit further back. As it was, though, we were "the couple sitting in front of Terry Fator". Jay Leno gives a great comedy show. I'm not going to bother sharing his jokes because I can't do them justice. I truly felt like a Las Vegas Lady as we took a cab back to The Platinum at 1 a.m. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1heFr0SsrU
Since we were going out that evening, we returned to the Kilawat for a light lunch after going to A Special Memory Chapel. I hesitated briefly when I found out the soup du jour was tomato basil. Since that evening we were going to The Top Of The World at the Stratosphere which was definitely a "business casual" restaurant, we had decided to wear our wedding outfits. After strategically positioning the cloth napkin, I thoroughly indulged in the soup. The chunks of tomato and the burst of fresh basil made it worth taking a chance.
Under the category of what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, I won't talk too much about how the afternoon went. Suffice it to say, though, Big Lug and I did have a long nap. With the evening plans involving a fancy dinner and a Jay Leno show, we knew we had to be well rested. The last thing you want to do is fall asleep at a comedy show. Both of us did change our mind about what we were going to wear to the Stratosphere, although for Big Lug it was a case of simply going tieless. As for me, I went with black pants, an almost sheer deep blue shirt. The cab ride to the Stratosphere has been immortalized on video and posted at YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mntcC_fASEU
I vowed while in America, I would boycott American beef. As I read Top of the World's menu, I changed my mind. http://www.topoftheworldlv.com/strat_din_tow_di_en.asp . The food is worth dressing up for and spending the day eating light. Bring some extra money because thanks to the digital camera, there is a whole new business in Las Vegas. I call it the "Photo Memento Industry". By the time we finished eating, checked out the observation deck at the Stratosphere, further helped the economy by picking up some souvenirs for Kidlet, it was time to go to the Mirage to see Jay Leno.
All I have to say about Jay Leno is although he's no George Carlin, his comedy show is definitely different than the comedy you'll hear on The Tonight Show. When you are going to a comedy show, remember anyone in the first three rows is fair game for the comedian. If you don't want to be part of his routine, sit further back. As it was, though, we were "the couple sitting in front of Terry Fator". Jay Leno gives a great comedy show. I'm not going to bother sharing his jokes because I can't do them justice. I truly felt like a Las Vegas Lady as we took a cab back to The Platinum at 1 a.m. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1heFr0SsrU
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Marriage Renewed
On Saturday, June 17, 1995 I woke alone to a grey, overcast day in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. It was my wedding day. It would also put an end to five months of imposed celibacy by my groom to be. He had spent the night at the hotel we'd be taking our parents to for a post wedding brunch. When you go from having months to plan a wedding during the off season to five weeks that puts you right in peak season, you cut many corners due to lack of money or time. There was no limo due to it being a small wedding. There were no flowers because my maid of honour and I both had seasonal hay fever. Given that this was my fiancé’s second attempt at marriage; he had done his best to persuade me that a professional photographer was over-rated.
On Friday, February 13, 2009 my husband and I woke to a grey, overcast day in Las Vegas, Nevada, America. It was our vow renewal day. I had picked a package through "A Special Memory". For $199 you got a limousine to and from your hotel, flowers, professional pictures and a church. When it dawned on me that we would be at Vegas over a day that stereotypically was unlucky, I thought it would be fun to celebrate thirteen years of marriage on Friday the 13th.
As a woman, I know how to dress well. To paraphrase Gretchen Wilson, though, I could buy the same darn thing second hand. My dress was under $10, the shoes were on sale at Zellers, the head piece was from the original wedding, as well as the heart-shaped brooch. I covered the something blue with a pair of lovely earrings my best friend had given me. As with the original ceremony, though, it was Big Lug's outfit that cost more than mine. If Moore's Mens Wear ever had doubts about whether or not their advertisements during hockey games were effective, Big Lug definitely removed those doubts.
The only unlucky thing to happen was when I looked down at my dress, I realized my bottom button was undone and as I went to do the final button, it came off in my hand. Luckily the hotel had a sewing kit at the front desk. Even better it came pre-threaded. It didn't take long to get fixed up and I was able to enjoy my first romantic limo ride. The only other limo ride I had experienced was related to a funeral.
A Special Memory Chapel was amusing. There were flowers, garters, tiaras, even wedding bands available for purchase. It also had lovely plush couches to sit on and a charming chapel. We received excellent personalized attention and our nervousness soon disappeared to be replaced with excitement. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Here are five thousand more words, all taken by amateurs. The professional pictures cannot be posted.
On Friday, February 13, 2009 my husband and I woke to a grey, overcast day in Las Vegas, Nevada, America. It was our vow renewal day. I had picked a package through "A Special Memory". For $199 you got a limousine to and from your hotel, flowers, professional pictures and a church. When it dawned on me that we would be at Vegas over a day that stereotypically was unlucky, I thought it would be fun to celebrate thirteen years of marriage on Friday the 13th.
As a woman, I know how to dress well. To paraphrase Gretchen Wilson, though, I could buy the same darn thing second hand. My dress was under $10, the shoes were on sale at Zellers, the head piece was from the original wedding, as well as the heart-shaped brooch. I covered the something blue with a pair of lovely earrings my best friend had given me. As with the original ceremony, though, it was Big Lug's outfit that cost more than mine. If Moore's Mens Wear ever had doubts about whether or not their advertisements during hockey games were effective, Big Lug definitely removed those doubts.
The only unlucky thing to happen was when I looked down at my dress, I realized my bottom button was undone and as I went to do the final button, it came off in my hand. Luckily the hotel had a sewing kit at the front desk. Even better it came pre-threaded. It didn't take long to get fixed up and I was able to enjoy my first romantic limo ride. The only other limo ride I had experienced was related to a funeral.
A Special Memory Chapel was amusing. There were flowers, garters, tiaras, even wedding bands available for purchase. It also had lovely plush couches to sit on and a charming chapel. We received excellent personalized attention and our nervousness soon disappeared to be replaced with excitement. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Here are five thousand more words, all taken by amateurs. The professional pictures cannot be posted.
Proverbs 13:21 Evil pursues sinners: but to the righetous good shall be repayed.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Glory Days
I would like to go on record saying I forgive the CRTC for finally getting in sync with the back East American channels and blocking the American commercials during the Super Bowl because the Budweiser Clydesdale commercials were still shown. I chuckled every time I saw the digitalized CTV ads because the shows they were plugging were all CBS, not NBC. As for Big Lug, he went from saying "I'm EFFING boycotting CTV!" to "I can handle this." It didn't help that Telus Mobility paid for a Super Bowl themed Meerkat ad. Nothing like hearing your wife and son awwwing over some digital animated critters to make you realize you're not going to get any sympathy about the lack of American ads during the Super Bowl game.
Big Lug also was on weak ground for making catty comments about The Boss during the halftime show of the Super Bowl. His sarcastic comments about Bruce Springsteen's age fell on deaf ears as my mind went back to 1993.
I was in my early 20's and had managed to get a ticket to the Bruce Springsteen concert. This was back in the day when you had to line up for hours in hopes of getting a concert ticket. I decided to be bold and wear a mini-dress even though I was going to the concert alone. It came in handy during the concert because my seat was only okay. If the supervisor wasn't nearby, the security guards would let me stand on my seat. I guess when all you're wearing is a mini-dress and high heels combined with hips that never quit; it's real easy for a guy to claim he didn't "notice that long haired brunette standing on her chair". Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street band thrilled the audience by doing a walk about. I was close enough; I reached out to touch Bruce Springsteen, much as women of a prior generation would reach out to touch Elvis. My boyfriend at the time was one of the security guards. After the concert, some of his co-workers were giving him a hard time for not going to the After Show. He looked at them, said "remember that brunette in the purple mini-dress who wouldn't stay seated?" "Hell yeah, was I ever glad to be in that section!" "She's waiting for me on my waterbed." "Enjoy!"
I remember wondering if when I was old and grey, would I look back at that concert as one of my Glory Day moments? I'm 41 years old, that boyfriend has had ex in front of him for almost 15 years, a Sara Evans/Brooks & Dunn concert I went to with Big Lug replaced the Bruce Springsteen concert for being "Best Ever" and I definitely have plenty of white hairs. As I saw Mrs. Boss up on stage, still playing and singing in her husband's band, I smiled. The Glory Days are what you make of each day.
Proverbs 2:21 For the upright shall dwell in the land, and the perfect shall remain in it.
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