Friday, November 20, 2009
Fluid of Life
Thankfully when I met Big Lug I had already been trained to leave a man alone until he had his morning cuppa. Two different men, ten years apart, one a child of the 60’s, one a child of the 70’s, both regarding coffee not as a nice, pleasant morning beverage but as fluid of life. To be fair, it’s not just a guy thing. I know women who have declared if they could inject coffee, they would. For me, however, bliss is a cup of Anise Tea, slowly sipped in a pretty cup.
Part of that stems from the fact I don’t do those travel mugs too well. I treat Big Lug’s travel cup with care. It’s at that well broken in stage when the lid still fits snugly without too much pressure. Occasionally someone thoughtfully gifts him with a new mug and there is the brief time span when Big Lug obligatorily uses it for a few weeks. It means I have to force the lid on, hoping the cup doesn’t slip and spill on the kitchen counter. It was with a sense of relief to discover this morning I am not alone when it comes to morning denseness and travel mugs. On my social network website one of my American stock car friends had left this deep thought:
Tip of the day. If you leave the lid loose on your coffee cup, it will spill on you. If you clean up, then come back to take another sip without securing the lid, it will spill on you a second time. You can thank me later for this one.
I couldn’t help but laugh because both Big Lug and I have had that experience. A few minutes later, however, the other shoe dropped:
Finally, if the lid is deformed due to being in the dishwasher too many times, it does not matter how well you secure it... it may spill on you a third time.
There is a guy who deserves to have a good Monday morning, if only because that sort of thing is not supposed to happen on a Friday morning.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Drive Thru Delights & Dangs
There were some retro costumes that came through the restaurant. The first retro one was a young girl who borrowed her mother's 90's prom dress so she could go as a prom queen. Daddy dearest had the look of a man who had just accumulated a whole bunch of parenting points and was trying to figure out how to spend them. The next retro one was even further back. It doesn't take much talent to be Hugh Hefner, especially when your passenger is wearing a skimpy costume and bunny ears. In between drive-thru orders I usually see what I can do at the front counter. Three girls came in looking like something right out of Olivia Newton John's "Physical" video, complete with bright coloured, striped legwarmers.
Under the category of "Awwwwwww so cute" was someone who had dressed their little one up as a ladybug. Also cute was a baby pumpkin and going the other extreme was a cowgirl. Once I found out she was of legal drinking age, I casually suggested the male manager be the one to hand out her order. He didn't mind. Also cute in the category of "Visual Pun" was the guy who was dressed as a shark with cards on it (my thought process was "Shark with cards? Shark cards. Card shark. GRRRRROAN!). I gave the Card shark and his female passenger who was wearing a tank top and a belt with a bunch of cards stapled on the bottom to create a skirt some cookies.
A co-worker decided since the streets were fairly quiet; why not go into to work to see what the reaction to his werewolf mask would be. I didn't let him down. Dang kids have no respect for their elders these days. At least that was my thought until later on, when I looked at the time, thought "It's almost nine p.m. I guess after nine I should start to anticipate the drive thru pranksters and be careful opening the window" and opened the drive-thru window to make a guy's night. He had carefully put a very graphic witch's head on a stick and timed it to pop up just after I said "Hi!" My shriek caused a grin of delight. Even better, however, was when I shrilled "Maria you LIED TO ME!!!!!!!!! Maria get to drive-thru RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!! You gotta see this!" The manager had reassured me in all her years of working at that restaurant chain, she had never experienced nor heard of any drive-thru pranksters. The only thing that saved me from going completely hysterical is as a joke, he had pinned an Edmonton Oilers logo onto the witch's shoulder.
As a combination of dang and delight, a costumed concept arrived about ten minutes before closing. Between the four guys there were three drinks, six sandwiches, some chicken morsels, three large fries and a spun ice cream concoction to make it worth staying open until the last second. As much as it was interesting to be working Halloween night, I'm glad next year it falls on a day off.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
The Rhyme Off
Kerry:
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To have a little fun
Silly Jill
Forgot the pill
and now they have a son
Jack and Jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water
Jack got horny, Jill got corny
and now they have a daughter
Since Kerry got a few polite laughs, he decided to continue on.
Kerry:
Simple Simon met a Pieman
Going to the fair
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pieman unto Simon
"Pies, you airhead!"
As the silence became rather thick, however, Big Al being a true gentleman decided to come in and save the day. He cleared his throat and came up with one about Mary the garden grower.
Big Al:
Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockle shells,
And one humongous onion.
As the women giggled and one turned to the man beside her to discuss gardening, Big Al cleared his throat and came up with another one. As he said it, a few people started to get a shocked look on their face because they thought they knew how it was going to end. One man even began to lift up his hand in a “Whoa man, you sure you want to go down that road?” gesture.
Mary had a little watch
she swallowed it one day
and so she took some Epsom salts
to pass the time away.
But though she tried, and tried, and tried
she couldn't make time pass.
So if you want to know the time
just look up Mary's......
uncle in the Yellow Pages. He sells watches.
Two women laughed so hard they choked, one woman had to go to the bathroom and best of all, and one guy wound up snorting his pop through his nose.
It’s great to be back!
Sunday, March 8, 2009
A New Angel
The last year, though, brought about many changes. He didn't have as much time to hangout on the message board. His beloved wife was sick and he was doing his best to fill in the void, not wanting to have the older daughter feel like she was just a babysitter. There were family and church members who were helping them out in the time of need. There were prayer requests for the family, venting about yet another trip to the hospital, the joy of having his wife home, sharing about the children coping with Mama being sick. Sometimes there was enough calmness, he could even relax and enjoy a stock car race.
Not long ago there was a post made about how one year ago his wife was in the hospital and here it was a year later, no answers. Those of us who prayed reassured him we were still praying, still hoping. Tonight there was a new post. The answer was received. One little girl, two little boys and one adult daughter will be hugged by an angel from this night onward.
Proverbs 31:10 An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.
Proversb 31:28a Her children rise up and call her blessed.
Monday, February 16, 2009
13 is Just A Number
Since we were going out that evening, we returned to the Kilawat for a light lunch after going to A Special Memory Chapel. I hesitated briefly when I found out the soup du jour was tomato basil. Since that evening we were going to The Top Of The World at the Stratosphere which was definitely a "business casual" restaurant, we had decided to wear our wedding outfits. After strategically positioning the cloth napkin, I thoroughly indulged in the soup. The chunks of tomato and the burst of fresh basil made it worth taking a chance.
Under the category of what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, I won't talk too much about how the afternoon went. Suffice it to say, though, Big Lug and I did have a long nap. With the evening plans involving a fancy dinner and a Jay Leno show, we knew we had to be well rested. The last thing you want to do is fall asleep at a comedy show. Both of us did change our mind about what we were going to wear to the Stratosphere, although for Big Lug it was a case of simply going tieless. As for me, I went with black pants, an almost sheer deep blue shirt. The cab ride to the Stratosphere has been immortalized on video and posted at YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mntcC_fASEU
I vowed while in America, I would boycott American beef. As I read Top of the World's menu, I changed my mind. http://www.topoftheworldlv.com/strat_din_tow_di_en.asp . The food is worth dressing up for and spending the day eating light. Bring some extra money because thanks to the digital camera, there is a whole new business in Las Vegas. I call it the "Photo Memento Industry". By the time we finished eating, checked out the observation deck at the Stratosphere, further helped the economy by picking up some souvenirs for Kidlet, it was time to go to the Mirage to see Jay Leno.
All I have to say about Jay Leno is although he's no George Carlin, his comedy show is definitely different than the comedy you'll hear on The Tonight Show. When you are going to a comedy show, remember anyone in the first three rows is fair game for the comedian. If you don't want to be part of his routine, sit further back. As it was, though, we were "the couple sitting in front of Terry Fator". Jay Leno gives a great comedy show. I'm not going to bother sharing his jokes because I can't do them justice. I truly felt like a Las Vegas Lady as we took a cab back to The Platinum at 1 a.m. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1heFr0SsrU
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Marriage Renewed
On Friday, February 13, 2009 my husband and I woke to a grey, overcast day in Las Vegas, Nevada, America. It was our vow renewal day. I had picked a package through "A Special Memory". For $199 you got a limousine to and from your hotel, flowers, professional pictures and a church. When it dawned on me that we would be at Vegas over a day that stereotypically was unlucky, I thought it would be fun to celebrate thirteen years of marriage on Friday the 13th.
As a woman, I know how to dress well. To paraphrase Gretchen Wilson, though, I could buy the same darn thing second hand. My dress was under $10, the shoes were on sale at Zellers, the head piece was from the original wedding, as well as the heart-shaped brooch. I covered the something blue with a pair of lovely earrings my best friend had given me. As with the original ceremony, though, it was Big Lug's outfit that cost more than mine. If Moore's Mens Wear ever had doubts about whether or not their advertisements during hockey games were effective, Big Lug definitely removed those doubts.
The only unlucky thing to happen was when I looked down at my dress, I realized my bottom button was undone and as I went to do the final button, it came off in my hand. Luckily the hotel had a sewing kit at the front desk. Even better it came pre-threaded. It didn't take long to get fixed up and I was able to enjoy my first romantic limo ride. The only other limo ride I had experienced was related to a funeral.
A Special Memory Chapel was amusing. There were flowers, garters, tiaras, even wedding bands available for purchase. It also had lovely plush couches to sit on and a charming chapel. We received excellent personalized attention and our nervousness soon disappeared to be replaced with excitement. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Here are five thousand more words, all taken by amateurs. The professional pictures cannot be posted.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Glory Days
I would like to go on record saying I forgive the CRTC for finally getting in sync with the back East American channels and blocking the American commercials during the Super Bowl because the Budweiser Clydesdale commercials were still shown. I chuckled every time I saw the digitalized CTV ads because the shows they were plugging were all CBS, not NBC. As for Big Lug, he went from saying "I'm EFFING boycotting CTV!" to "I can handle this." It didn't help that Telus Mobility paid for a Super Bowl themed Meerkat ad. Nothing like hearing your wife and son awwwing over some digital animated critters to make you realize you're not going to get any sympathy about the lack of American ads during the Super Bowl game.
Big Lug also was on weak ground for making catty comments about The Boss during the halftime show of the Super Bowl. His sarcastic comments about Bruce Springsteen's age fell on deaf ears as my mind went back to 1993.
I was in my early 20's and had managed to get a ticket to the Bruce Springsteen concert. This was back in the day when you had to line up for hours in hopes of getting a concert ticket. I decided to be bold and wear a mini-dress even though I was going to the concert alone. It came in handy during the concert because my seat was only okay. If the supervisor wasn't nearby, the security guards would let me stand on my seat. I guess when all you're wearing is a mini-dress and high heels combined with hips that never quit; it's real easy for a guy to claim he didn't "notice that long haired brunette standing on her chair". Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street band thrilled the audience by doing a walk about. I was close enough; I reached out to touch Bruce Springsteen, much as women of a prior generation would reach out to touch Elvis. My boyfriend at the time was one of the security guards. After the concert, some of his co-workers were giving him a hard time for not going to the After Show. He looked at them, said "remember that brunette in the purple mini-dress who wouldn't stay seated?" "Hell yeah, was I ever glad to be in that section!" "She's waiting for me on my waterbed." "Enjoy!"
I remember wondering if when I was old and grey, would I look back at that concert as one of my Glory Day moments? I'm 41 years old, that boyfriend has had ex in front of him for almost 15 years, a Sara Evans/Brooks & Dunn concert I went to with Big Lug replaced the Bruce Springsteen concert for being "Best Ever" and I definitely have plenty of white hairs. As I saw Mrs. Boss up on stage, still playing and singing in her husband's band, I smiled. The Glory Days are what you make of each day.
Proverbs 2:21 For the upright shall dwell in the land, and the perfect shall remain in it.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Peace
I've been reflecting on peace and serenity this month. Somehow turning 40 caused a cosmic shift in my thinking. It didn't help that within a few weeks of turning 40, a certain change decided to arrive in my life. Thankfully I've gotten to the point I can make a humorous comment when someone says "Aren't you too young to be experiencing hot flashes?"
Now that I'm 41, I've been reflecting on another change of life. Back in 1963 a book was published by a bored, university educated, suburban housewife. Thanks to her university education, she did have the smarts to know how to spin statistics, research data and anecdotal information to support a specific viewpoint. Unfortunately that book also robbed many women of pleasure in tasks that seemed natural and second nature to them.
January 1st, 2008 I woke up feeling unhappy, despite having a $1100 diamond necklace around my neck as a 40th birthday present. That unhappiness progressed through most of the rest of the year. That's why there is a huge gap in my blogging. I'm not going into great detail. Suffice it to say remember when the doctor hands you a prescription; unless you get to the root cause of the problem, popping pills aren't going to do you much good.
This leads me to January 1st, 2009. I woke up feeling excited about the upcoming year. I made up my mind that this was going to be a year of action and accomplishment. I remember how Mother Teresa became a household name by taking pleasure in doing many little things to add up to one big thing.
Right now a woman is feeling peace and serenity because her report has been accepted by the board. She looks forward to picking her children up from daycare, dropping them off at home for some daddy time while she goes on a power walk. When she returns, she'll spend some time playing with her son and daughter while dinner is made by her husband. Right now I'm feeling peace and serenity because my dish rack is full of clean dishes. I've already done my power walk, after I dropped my son off at school. I'll pick him up and spend some time playing with him. While I make dinner, he'll have some daddy time.
The first woman isn't a theory or an amalgamation. She's a real woman, in both senses of the word and treats me as a real woman. Both of us will be getting together with a group of other women at the church. We're not hung up on who is doing what according to The Feminine Mystique. All we'll be caring about tonight is not dropping a stitch while we do our needlework. That's real peace, knowing after a hard day's work, you’ll be able to relax with a group of women who have a common interest.
Proverbs 21:2 Every way of a person is right in their own eyes: but the LORD ponders the hearts.
Before anyone posts a scathing comment that “Daddy Time” is a new concept brought about by the very book I’ve never been impressed with, talk to someone who is 80-90 years old or read some of the old journals that have been published. The last ten years people have become more willing to talk or publish anecdotes about “Pa coming in from the fields to whittle and tell us stories while Ma made dinner” or “Father was tired from a long day of running the trap lines but not too tired to play Cat’s Cradle with us.” That’s definitely “Quality Time With The Children” or “Keep The Damn Kids Amused To Give Me A Lousy Fifteen Minutes To Myself”, depending on your viewpoint.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Weather Weight
It's not that we don't care about our appearance; it's just that we are realists. One extra inch of fat on our hips, thighs and waist isn't a cause for alarm. Its Mother Nature's way of saying go out, enjoy the winter, I'm a prairie redneck woman hear me roar back at the wind that puts the temperature to -35. That's -31 Fahrenheit.
Sure some of us are hopping on the scale and dropping an F-bomb or heaving a big sigh over the December indulgences. We're struggling a bit to do up the waistband but the December inch tends to disappear by the end of January, since there are no longer the cookie exchanges, the Christmas lunches, the potluck suppers, Christmas Dinner, Boxing Day Luncheon, the New Year's Eve party where the call of the Wild Pretzel couldn't be ignored and of course the snacking during the World Junior Games. The winter inch, though, isn't something to be ashamed of. It's a fact of life.
Another fact of life is since even the better quality magazines are usually from America, it's easier to think in terms of pounds and inches. The work or school schedule is back to normal. It's time to resume your exercise program. Now that it's January, it's okay to say to Herb in sales "I'll take a pass on the Tim Horton's donuts, thanks for thinking of me." Also, yes their Candy Cane coffee or hot chocolate is a great Christmas treat but Christmas is done, have one last cup when the tree is down and resume your normal drinking habit. It's also time to quit buying or making eggnog and resume your regular dairy habits. When Mabel down the block arrives on your doorstep with fresh cinnamon buns, it's okay to limit yourself to one, and put the rest where they aren't accessible. To be fair to the magazine industry, if the woman on front doesn't look digitally enhanced and the article is offering to help you lose 10 pounds, the odds are in your favour it's a realistic weight loss plan and worth spending money on or borrowing from the library.
Here are some tips. Grapefruit tastes great sprinkled with nutmeg. Toast can be topped with cinnamon and a few teaspoons of butter, without brown sugar. It is possible to have chilli or soup without bread on the side. Plain low fat yogurt mixed with fruit helps you gear down from the ice cream habit you developed over Christmas holiday. If you don't like cold carrot sticks, let them sit in hot water for a minute or two and drink the water so you don't waste the vitamins. Plus the water will help fill you up. This recipe is for when a monster I call Salt Kong comes roaring in and the salty junk food seems appealing.
Dilled Cucumber Slices
at least 2 cups/450 ml of thick cut cucumber slices
1 cup/250 ml apple cider vinegar
1 garlic clove, minced
2 teaspoons/10 ml fresh dill
dash tumeric
large glass jar with lid and seal (I use a standard Mason jar)
Put cucumber slices in jar, top with remaining ingredients, seal tightly, shake to ensure the liquid gets in between the cucumber slices and let get acquainted in the fridge for 3-6 hours.
Every time you eat those instead of a chips, pretzels or fries, put the money saved in some sort of container. That's it for this week on how to ditch that December Inch without losing your Winter Inch. Next Monday will be about Eating Lifestyles.
Proverbs 4:7 Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all your getting, get understanding.