Howdy from Alberta

Prairie Redneck Women

They’ll attend every autograph session at the CCMA Fan Fest. They don’t consider it a waste of time to watch the CCMA awards and will make a point of recording it in case they miss something. Terri Clark is definitely on their list of “must see” concerts, as well as Paul Brandt. In October of 2006, Paul Brandt went coast to coast collecting shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child by Samaritan’s Purse. He played at small venues, like grocery stores or community halls. The rednecks were the ones who had no qualms singing along to Paul Brandt tunes while at the produce aisle in Safeway.

A redneck woman usually knows a few choice words that she picked up from her husband. Odds are good her husband either brought those words home from the construction crew, hockey player or the oil patch. If he’s a desk jockey, he usually has a friend who is a construction worker, hockey player or in the oil patch. She tries hard not to use those words. If the Flames, Oilers, Eskimos, Stamps or Riders are blowing a lead, she might drop an “oh sh—“. If she’s watching a live hockey game, a fight breaks out and the ref makes a lousy call, she’ll have no qualms joining in the bullsh** chant.

That’s what makes prairie redneck women great companions to take to a hockey game. They won’t tsk at the violence, they’ll understand the Man Law about not leaving early when your team is definitely losing and they usually won’t worry about “blowing their diet” by eating the rink food. She’ll definitely have at least one team jersey, and seat dance to “Cotton Eye Joe”, as well as know all the words to Stompin’ Tom Connor’s “Hockey Song”.

As for football games, you can always count on the redneck woman to make awesome tailgate picnics for football games. Rider women definitely are the queens of making tailgate picnics. They’ll start planning the menu for the next game as soon as the whistle blows to end the current game. Alberta women are intensely loyal to their teams, especially Edmonton Eskimo fans. It takes guts for a woman to marry a Calgarian and bring her Edmonton Eskimo flag that could fit on a child’s bed to the infamous Labour Day Classic in Calgary. I know because I was one of those women for many years. Even now, I tend to cheer for the Eskimos if they aren’t playing the Stampeders or if Calgary won’t make it into the playoffs. I have discovered I am not alone; I am not even in the minority. We are the group of women who spawned the statement “You can take the girl out of Edmonton but you can’t take Edmonton out of the girl.

The one staple of a prairie redneck woman’s wardrobe is her denim skirt. It doesn’t matter if it’s a $15 Salvation Army one or a $750 bead and lace, every one of them has at least one denim skirt and usually has no qualms about wearing it to even the most formal of dinners. They’ll carry it off with such confidence; she’ll be regarded as a chic trendsetter, not gauche. They also tend to have at least one mini-dress if they are within ten pounds of their healthy weight. The style and colour might vary as she ages, the length might go from a youthful twenty mid thigh to a more decorous an inch above the knee thirty nine, but if you try to point out to a thirty nine prairie neck she’s too old for a mini dress, she’ll look you in the eye and say “Have you seen what Reba McIntire wore recently?”

Usually side by side in a PNW’s bookcase is Reba McIntire and Terri Clark’s books]. In addition are Kelsi Jordon’s book “I’m Not Wearing Any Pants” and a copy of at least one of Christie Blatchford’s books if she’s old enough to remember the 80’s. She’ll have some books that might seem more masculine but prairie redneck women aren’t too hung up about gender specific books. What you probably won’t find are books by Oprah or Martha Stewart unless it’s a gift by her mother-in-law (who gave it to her with the admonishment “I’m sure beneath that tomboyish surface is a real woman just waiting to get out.”) Newsflash for those who think you can tame us, we are the way we are because we are proud of it, and it’s been bred into us.

Prairie redneck women have lived on the prairies for at least two generations. They are the ones who know how to pitch a tent, make bannock from memory and know how to clean a fish. They’ll be sympathetic when a man return from a fishing trip and bitterly says “That’s all I did was fish. I definitely didn’t catch anything.” She’ll have a back up plan and quickly put it together, all the while not saying a word about how much she was looking forward to trout for dinner.

I think God loves prairie redneck women because they are a throwback to the women who when their man said "gotta follow this Jesus dude and help him spread the Word" she replied, "Don't worry, I'll make sure the goat herders and sheep herders take care of the flocks."

Proverbs 31:23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. KJV